My first STD was from a foam party
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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