she woke up with a sticky ear
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sorry about my life...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize