I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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