I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
