for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
