Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
