you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
