dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
