So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
