I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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