2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
