You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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