that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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