Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
