In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
babies were throwing up all over the place
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
