Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
