So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
