Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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