Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
