i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
