I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
