ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.