You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.