Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.