In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
