just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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