why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
