oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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