I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
