I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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