What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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