Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
