the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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