I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
