I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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