Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
