Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
