you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
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Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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