I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
