drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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