i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
