She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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