I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
