Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize