I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize