Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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