Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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