Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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