yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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