So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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