My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
