Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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