My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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