Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
