When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
