He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
