she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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