I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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