Sry I called you an 8
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
