I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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