if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
