No, you can still breathe under the balls.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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