Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
