That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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