She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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