Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
