The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
