Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
