@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize