my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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