I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
